Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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