she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
