I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
