he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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