shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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