she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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