Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
