She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
