He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
