I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
