i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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