I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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