My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
