hotel room ftw
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
