What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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