the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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