My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
