Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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