I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize