It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
