I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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