I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.