i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
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I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
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There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?