Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
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We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
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I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.