I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
