I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
