I could have mohawked her pubes.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
