I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
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And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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