i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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