I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
