I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
