i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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