you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
