Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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