you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
