how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
