remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
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just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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