If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
