Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
