Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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