he told me I talked like a deaf person
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
