How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i believe in u and ur pee
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize