He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
