I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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