I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
