Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
