i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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