Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it's like iHOP with fire
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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