I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
