Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
