so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
