8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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