Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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