holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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