She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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