is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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