Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
