I want to have your abortion
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
