Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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