We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
