So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
