don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize