dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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