I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
